Domestic Violence and Emotional Abuse..Do you value your life or self worth?

Tonight I was viewing the news and to my devastation saw  that a 30yr old woman in the Tremont section of the bronx was stabbed to death by her husband.  Things went from fatal to a house of burning horror when this man proceeded to set the whole apartment on fire, this resulted in their baby girl only a few months old parishing in the flames!  The abuser have the audiacity to still be alive in critical condition, sorry to sound cold but it is what it is in my feelings..The issue of domestic violence has become redundant, an immunity , something overlooked by the victims associates, friends, neighbors, strangers even over looked by the victim themselves.  People as a whole don't care  long as it's not them!  Emotional abuse in my opinion is right up there with domestic violence. At times your so in love with that person that you allow them to play mind games with you, say harsh things, cheat. Allowing them to do that shows your self esteem hit an all time low.. Do your know your self worth?  I am writing this blog to  address both sides of abuse, how to run like the wind if you find yourself in a physical situation  or emotionally abusive situation and if your not in neither how you can help a person in need to the best of your extent.

No relationship is perfect and relationships take work, you really do have to put in that work for longevity! There is a difference between a relationship that bumps head maybe a lil' and an unhealthy relationship. I'm not going in any particular order with both issues but saying what's on my mind as it comes..I would never call myself a certified expert, but I'm not a person on the outside looking in and have no shame when I tell everyone that I was in a unhealthy relationship.  It consist of a lot of mind games, feeling unimportant, unloved, lies and despite I wasn't getting my ass whipped on a regular bases but I had my share of physical scars and a swelling on my inner cheek that made me talk with a lisp,  all I could do was be vocal about how I should be treated, how I need respect and physically defend myself. Once upon a time my esteem was at an all time low and as I reflect on the whole situation why did I put myself in unnecessary drama? why did I whale to this man to change, why did I take him back three different times when he attacked me.. he is who he is! Our relationship ended abruptly on his end, his cheating ways he found someone new, someone that actually befriended me to betray me.. ha! I look deeply into it and realized he did me a favor, but at the same time I was scared of how my blind mind worked, had the relationship con't could I have been that Bronx woman that died?! Fortunately I live and learned and know my self worth!

I view people in emotionally abusive relationships, some friends were smart enough to get out others esteem is so low that all they can say is "I have been with this person for X amount of years and  no one can possibly treat me better than him/her".. that very person that cause them so much anger, self doubt..pain! To all the women and men out there in these emotionally abusive relationships whereas your partner plays mind games to get what they want  or try to make you accept b.s, stomps on your esteem by snapping on your looks, cheats  anything that makes you far removed from your positive elements... then dammit it's time to leave! Remember it's rare that people change, however you can change the situation by encountering a new man or woman!  Note there is someone out there that can treat you better! In unhealthy relationships the bad is out weighing the good..anything negative in abundance can't possibly be a realistic mind set of thinking this individual is God sent to you, think about it!

In physical abuse signs are there and you should be alert and not overlook things. If your fortunate enough not to be a current victim of abuse or in this situation and need to wake up..be aware of the signs, even if  you see it as subtle emotional abuse it can develop into physical abuse:
a)when  a partner blows up your phone, arguing you down about your whereabouts every few mins or hour
b)isolate you from friends and family
c)grabbing your arm to control you
d) hiding belongings such as cell phones, phones, keys to the house anything that separates you from communication with others and keys to allow you to go out
e) literally snatching the phone right out your hand to monitor your calls
d) threatening to leave you..even worst threatening to kill you
And of course flat out physical abuse without subtle signs, that are loud as the brightest colors in the world. The abuser mindset derives from their insecurities or need for control..even both! The abuser wants their way and feel the only way they will get it is through the fist or weapons.  Sometimes abuse is not one sided sometime both partners are mutually doing a "Kill Bill" tango dance.  I heard of people seeking help to make physically abusive relationships work, but in my opinion it is best for the individuals to work on themselves and separate from each other period! God willing they will change about time they move on to the next person, because as you know people don't change most of the time!

I have watched the news over the years and seen people murdered by their exes or current bf's, gf's.  The best advice I can give is to choose your mate wisely and look out for subtle signs so you can nip it in the bud quick before a psycho catch crazy feelings and harm you!  I know it's even harder when when it's not nipped in the bud  whereas to the point your living with that person and feel you have no way out...talk to family members, friends, minister do what you have to do to leave!  You fear being homeless, maybe kids are in the equation it's hard but with God's will there is a way..you may temporarily fall on your behind or not at all but at least you will see another day and with determination you will rise to your feet after you have fallen.
Emotional hurt, physical hurt is not love in a relationship..leave!  If your not in this situation and see what's going on with a victim don't act blind help in any way you can! Here is a site that lists various abuse sites where you can make donations and get help:
http://www.datehookup.com/content-organizations-dedicated-to-fighting-abuse.htm